Couples: Trading Up To Happiness

There are different ways of improving one's relationship, but one is very simple, if both parties enter into it with good will. It is a negotiation approach, or a trading, or a quid pro quo.

Simply done, you each list three things you would like your partner to do. You each give the other your list, and they choose one of them to do.
1.You each keep a record of when the item is given or done, and a record of when you notice that your partner has done it.
2. You agree on a start date, a review date, to be within one week of the start, and a second review date three weeks later.
3.You discuss what would be evidence for both of you that each one is being done. 4.You have to enter into good faith.
5. Then you begin.

Another, a little more complicated approach is the weighted items approach. You each write down five things you would like the other to do. Give each one a weight of importance, so that the TOTAL for all five is 25 points. The max that any one item can have is 10 points each. You then start by having your partner choose items that add up to a minimum of 12 points. Then, same as above: You each keep a record of when the item is given or done, and a record of when you notice that your partner has done it. You agree on a start date, a review date, to be within one week of the start, and a second review date three weeks later. You discuss what would be evidence for both of you that each one is being done. You have to enter into good faith. Then you begin.

The Laughter Quotient

One way to look at the state of your relationship is to look at how much pure fun you are having. How much do you laugh? Joke? How much can you laugh at yourself with your partner? How much fun and how much play?

These are the tools, especially the laughter, that help put things in perspective. The laughter is what breaks the tension, and helps you say to yourself and your partner that you are ready to let it go.Shared laughter brings you closer, and the private jokes between you are what helps make strong boundaries in your relationship. At a physiological level, laughter helps lessen stress and strenghtens the immune system.

Look for jokes, buy an anthology of Herman, or some other daily comic strip, tell your partner the stupidest thing you did when you were a kid, or what your mother used to do that drove you crazy...