Avoidance and Procrastination

Procrastination can take many forms, one of them just plain avoidance. Do you find yourself avoiding people or situations, such as conflict or emotionally charged meetings?

The result of avoidance can be a buildup of stress and tension. As one client put it, "like keeping a bunch of juggling balls up in the air." The more you avoid, the more you are juggling, and the more stressed and worried and weighted down you become.

Ask yourself what it is you are afraid of? Avoidance is usually the result of fear of something. When you have identified it, ask yourself why you are avoiding it? What is the worst that can happen?

Think about what it will be like for you after you have confronted the thing. Yes, it might be more difficult, but it will also be a form of relief.

You might want to plan for the results if they are truly threatening, such as a job loss, marriage breakup, or phsyical or emotional harm or retaliation.

But often, it is simply fear of a consequence that is not so frightening, once we identify it and are willing to face it.

Gaming Addiction

I was recently interviewed by Global TV regarding online gaming addiction. My experience tells me that this is a very serious issue, and one that needs a lot more attention from therapists. It can either be individual games played on the internet or downloaded, or uploaded, or it can the be massive multiplayer online games, such as World of Warcraft.

The symptoms of online gaming addiction are the same as any other in some ways:

Trying to rationalize one's usage to oneself or others.
Trying to hide one's usage.
Loss of sleep
Loss of time at work
Decrease in feelings of sexuality.
Avoidance of Social and Family interaction so one can go online.
Telling oneself one will quit, and then not being able to do so.
Spending large amounts of money.
Depersonalization or disassociation where one finds one goes into a kind of fugue state and one loses massive amounts of time from one's life.

If you think you or someone you love has a gaming addiction issue, get them the help they need. You could save their life.

Blocks in Counselling

Sometimes people run into a block--where for some reason, they do not go any further, sometimes they feel it, sometimes it is unconcious. If you realize that there is some block, there is a reason for that. I find that it is a signal from somewhere in a client's mind or heart that there is something we need to talk about, some fear or some worry that needs attention. It is not something to be "blasted through," but rather something to be respected and worked with.

Some therapists call this resistance. I do not. Resistance is a word that therapists use when they are stuck. To me, this is the client working with me, even if it looks like they are not.

Respect, Apologies, and Successful Relationships

Two of the things that make the largest differences in successful vs unsuccessful marriages is the degree and amoung of respect and apology/forgiveness that is given between partners.

Having trouble in your relationship? Look at the degree of respect you afford your partner, and the amount, and sincerity of your apologies. Apologizing is just one way of taking responsbility for what you done and how you have acted towards your partner. It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength.

Taking responsibility also is indicative of the amount of trust that exists in a relationship. The less there is, the less vulnerable partners become, and the less they apologize and take responsibility.

But you can use these tools to BUILD strength and trust. It will feel scary and you may be resentful at first, but keep your mind and eye on the goal--and it will bring huge results.